


Maximim Happy

by the_nature_of_roses_and_rocks



Category: Grown-ish (TV)
Genre: Ana is Confused, F/F, Gay Panic, Jaz is the best listener, self acceptance!, tiny fandoms are the best fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nature_of_roses_and_rocks/pseuds/the_nature_of_roses_and_rocks
Summary: Ana is straight. No seriously, Ana Torres is definitely, 100% really, really, really heterosexual.





	Maximim Happy

Ana is straight. No seriously, Ana Torres is definitely, 100% really, really, really heterosexual. And while she’s listing things about herself (just in case anyone in the room happens to be telepathic. Or God. Or Santa. Years of “he sees you when you’re sleeping” kinds of speeches have firmly settled in her psyche and it only seems prudent to curate her thoughts. Just in case.) Ana Torres is also smart and read Harry Potter in a week and can do a killer cat eye when her mom isn’t around and, and . . . “Ana, hey.” The illusion of partial control shattered when Nomi, in all her glory, slides onto the bench next to Ana and, with a hip nudge, breaks Ana out of the identity crisis she’s been cemented in for the past 10 minutes (or 10 weeks, it’s been A Semester) ‘Cause see, Ana’s been doing a whole lot of new things. That’s what college is for, right? Learning and growing and. Um. Expanding your mind? So far she’s learned a wholly unnecessary amount about mid 1800s Russian lit, figured out her alcohol tolerance (ish), started actually drinking water in the morning (because Zoey does and if anyone has her hydration figured out it’s that girl) and kissed a girl (bringing her never-have-I ever score to two out of a million). It’s only that last bit that’s really shaken her, everything else seems fairly predictable, and the problem is, Ana just doesn’t understand!  
“ANAAA.” Nomi snaps (gorgeous) fingers in front of her face and wrinkles her nose. “You ok?”  
Ana smiles, “Yeah, yeah. I’ve probably just hit my study limit for the day. Only so long before you start to zone out, y’know?”  
Nomi’s eyes soften, like she can tell that there’s more to the story but isn’t gonna pry, and Ana adds another item to her list of things *someone* could *potentially* love about the girl next to her. Nomi’s so blunt sometimes, especially around Zoey (who literally always needs the reality check), and sometimes Ana is overwhelmed by her luck that this brilliant girl even looks at her with such palpable kindness. (and THIS smile? The softness and the glow behind her eyes? Ana might melt. Except that then Nomi would know the mortifying existence of her feelings and that can’t, can’t happen.)  
“Ah! I came just in time! We have to get down to the twin’s track meet because Aaron promised we’d go this time and Jaz’s boyfriend ALWAYS goes and we can’t get shown up by the boyfriend! Plus Aaron and Luca haven’t been in the same room since Zoey made her “grand decision” and you know that’s gonna be good.” Nomi smirks and it’s beautiful because Nomi’s so fucking beautiful and Ana needs to STOP READING INTO EVERYTHING but it’s an expression full of promise and excitement.  
That’s the biggest issue with this newfound attraction, everything is full of potential because if Nomi kissed her once, when Ana was on the gross side of drunk, then it could happen again and the more she thinks about this the more she imagines every possible way it could transpire and NOPE STOP NOW because Nomi is her friend. They’re friends and that’s ok and that’s good and Ana’s totally fine. Totally fine. The Bad Bitch Nomi so carefully curates snaps in to place as she grabs Ana’s hand and pulls her to her up, having already collected the miscellaneous study supplies spread around the education-nest Ana fashioned for herself, and begins to make her way in the direction of their friends. She keeps the perfect pace, not too fast for Ana’s shorter legs and together they traipse down to the track, Nomi shouting glorious phrases into the wind and Ana trying to collect them, luxuriating in a girl who has enough self to fling precious feelings into the atmosphere. 

\-----

It’s a nice meet. People run, things happen on the field that probably matter, the twins do great, Jaz makes out with her boyfriend in PLAIN SIGHT for at least ten minutes, and it’s colder than Ana anticipated so Nomi shares her jacket which mostly means Ana gets to huddle against the taller girl for the better part of an hour. For a few minutes she gets lost in a fantasy where they’re together and the jacket huddling comes as a perk of dating Nomi but that gets shaken off when the aforementioned girl laughs at something Vivek snarks and Ana gets too caught up in the heady reality of Nomi to focus on any less real version. 

\-----

That evening they embark on a giggly hunt for the best hot chocolate within five miles. (The freedom Ana’s discovered, living without her parents for the first time, is growing on her. Not that her parents were crazy strict or anything, but they could be intense and there just this . . . this whole layer of immediate worry gone from her life. She’s forming opinions without the help of relatives for the first time in her life and the extra breathing space is a relief she didn’t know was needed.) By the end of the night everyone has consumed three times the recommended daily chocolate allotment and they end up on a couch in the common room, pleasantly sleepy and only a little sick. Sky and Aaron have been locked in a heated hand clapping game from 5th grade for the last half hour with Nomi refereeing while Zoey and Luca debate watching a movie. Ana sighs and tries to commit the visceral level of happy in the room to memory.  
“Ana . . .” She jumps, looking at Jaz who’s crept onto the couch next to her and has a gleeful look on her face. “What-“  
The rest of her sentence is cut off as Jaz says, point blank, “You’re into Nomi, aren’t you!”  
Ana, wants to hide, does NOT want to have this conversation when the other chatter in the room could subside at any moment, but instead frantically replies, “No! Nononono I’m not!” (“super smooth” whispers the voice in her head. A voice that sounds kinda like her mom and kinda like Oprah)  
Jaz gives her the most eviscerating look Ana’s been subject to in a while and says, “Nope! I wasn’t asking a question and that might’ve been the worst denial I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed this before, but I saw you checking out her ass three times in the last hour! When did this happen?”  
Something must start to break on Ana’s face because Jaz calls out “We’re gonna run out and grab some food to soak up all this sugar” before leading Ana into the cold air outside.  
The whole campus is lit up with lights and their glow is a comfort (like Nomi’s eyes) and gives Ana hope as Jaz sits them down on the steps. “Go. Talk. I’m gonna shut up but you HAVE TO tell me what’s going on!” At Ana’s skeptical look she continues, “It’s not good to hold things so close babe! This stuff only makes you miserable if you suffer alone. Plus, I’m currently taken and stable relationships are nice but SO BORING so I need this as much as you do.”  
Ana takes a breath and the dam breaks. She details everything, the drunken kiss, how they haven’t really talked about it since, and - “I, I just don’t understand!”  
“Don’t understand what?”  
“Where did all this come from? It’s not fair! I’ve liked guys my whole life, I’ve been so GOOD and then suddenly one kiss, THAT DIDN’T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING, and I’m in love with my best friend? That’s not how it’s supposed to work!.”  
Jaz leans back, “Ok. First of all, sexuality is a nebulous thing and it’s ok to be figuring it out forever and Nomi is super hot so if she’s the only girl you’re ever in to that’s understandable! But being straight doesn’t mean good. And Ana? I know you grew up in a specific way, and, like if no one’s told you yet, it’s so, so ok for you to be not all the way straight! Or super, super gay! We’re never gonna look at you any differently and remember: your happiness is the operative thing here. Ok?”  
Ana pauses, Jaz’s words have dulled the low screaming in her head for the first time in what feels like months. “This isn’t the end, Ana. The planet is dying and babies are kept in cages by the government and just? You can totally handle this.”  
“Mmm”  
“And about that kiss flipping a switch? I’m gonna respectfully say that you’re being really, really dumb. Ana, you’ve had a thing for Nomi since school started. Even in the beginning your eyes would follow her around and you listen more when she talks and cling to her at parties and you two just have . . . so, so much fun together. It’s like the Nomi/Ana combination makes you both the best versions of yourselves.”  
“Wait,” Ana feels like the whole world is spinning, “are you saying that she likes me?”  
“Oh! Didn’t I say that! She totally does! You’re always her favorite person to hang out with and she only snuggles with you and when you’re together she’s nicer but in a really genuine way. It’s like . . . I think Nomi’s spent a lot of her life feeling inadequate and around you she’s just . . . happy. Like really actually happy. I think that counts as liking you. Plus, she stares at your cleavage sometimes and about once a month she gets wasted and says how much she loves you. So there’s that. I know friends liking you can be weird sometimes so I never said anything, but I would’ve spoken up forever ago! So.”  
Ana starts to cry, she can’t help it, because everything’s been so confusing for MONTHS and Jaz shakes it all out in ten minutes. Jaz smiles and pulls her in to a long hug. When Ana stops sniffling and sits back up Jaz slips on more thing in, “You should talk to her. Not now, not if you aren’t ready, but you should. You’re way too perfect together to let this get away.” Ana starts on a second round of sobs, terrified by this suggestion. Jaz shakes her head and they spend the next hour in the cold, talking and dissecting, and making sense and soothing, and the world feels bright, even without the lights, as they head back inside. It’ll be ok. 

\----

Ana spends the next few days thinking and planning and venting to Jaz and things get a little less enormous. Ana Torres probably isn’t straight which she’s still coming to terms with (there’s nothing wrong with you! Jaz’s voice marches through her head. Try to reach maximum happiness and don’t worry so much about who it’s with. Plus I will KICK any of your family members who give you trouble MANY MANY TIMES.) It’s not so big, she reminds herself. I was a person before and now I’m just a person in love with the best human in the whole universe.) Things still aren’t perfectly smooth. She and Nomi kiss again, this time fully sober, in a corner of the library, but they still don’t talk about it. It’s amazing, better than Ana could’ve ever hoped and she’s truly, finally ready to confess her feelings when she finds Nomi hooking up with some girl she met FIVE HOURS AGO. Ana breaks for a few days, because this hurts so much more than it did before (yay acknowledging feelings) but then someone (Jaz) tells Nomi why Ana hasn’t been out of her room in 60+ hours and Nomi shows up fifteen minutes later with a million apologies, infusing Ana’s stale room with the scent of lilacs. They talk that night, Ana finally, finally admits how she feels, how much things have hurt, how confused she’s been, and Nomi listens and nods and smiles when Ana’s exhausted her words. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know but I should’ve seen it, I really should’ve. I’ve just adored straight girls before and it hurts and I didn’t want to make anything weird and I’m just. I am so sorry.” “It’s ok! I don’t know if you making a move would’ve actually made things better, but now . . .” “Yup, now. Um. Ana, I really like you. A lot.” They’re about a foot apart, Ana’s on her bed and unsure of what to say next. (they aren’t running through a meadow or in Time’s Square at midnight so she doesn’t know what exactly happens next) Nomi tilts her head and smiles blinking slowly. Suddenly they’re only inches apart and then their lips connect. That night they talk a little more and then Nomi goes back to her own room with a kiss and Ana is left feeling better than she has in months. The screaming in her head is gone and instead she floats on thoughts of her best-friend-turned-something-else. Her last thought before she falls asleep is that never have I ever might be a blessing if it can lead her to someone like Nomi. Hell, the horrible party and every argument with her parents and the scary parts of college and basically every moment of her entire life is 100% worth it if they lead her to Nomi.  
After that it’s pretty good. Not perfect, because nothing real ever is, but very, very good. Their friendship is only improved by kissing (and other stuff) (Ana enjoys the other stuff too)

**Author's Note:**

> I love them? So much? Also I have NO IDEA what I'm doing but yay learning and growing!


End file.
